”how will she cope marrying a Yoruba man, sighs- I mean even if he’s not Muslim…it didn’t have to be for me to predict that they will have serious issues"….. I could only wish her the best, after all, its her choice.
My mum wept her eyes till she could cry no more…
My sister so believed in novels and its fantasy love theme though we all didn’t feel the same as she stubbornly went on and now she’s married to a total stranger
And to my surprise, she’s happier than I thought …the first call I got from her after her wedding was surprising …”she told me of how her husband would tease her of murdering his language and that he was learning Igbo faster than she was…”humph”, did I hear right my sister wasn’t complaining at all, in fact she was in heaven – OMG!
That’s when I decided to visit her and discuss her fears and joys of being married to a man from another tribe and culture.
A happy and fulfillled bride who knew what she wanted and went for it
Located in the western part of Afirca is her most populous nation, Nigeria. Officially known as the Federal Republic of Nigeria with a population of 153million people approximately, three hundred and fifty ethnic groups and five hundred and ten dialects respectively.
These ethnic groups are basically divided into three namely: Igbo, Yoruba and Hausa respectively with each group having its own peculiar culture and tradition but that does not take out the fact that even within these three major groups, are diverse dialects and culture in the areas of food, beliefs and traditional marriage rights.
In ancient times our parents used to disagree with letting their children especially daughters marry from another tribe except theirs but now it’s totally a different story; it seems like people who marry from other tribes/culture even have it sweeter literarily.
In today's global world, it’s easier than ever before to meet – and find common grounds – with someone from another country and culture. Although exciting, marrying someone with a background very different from your own has its potential to challenge you in ways that you might not expect.
In my tradition, the family one is to be wedded into is very important – as it is with all aspects of African culture. A wedding is more than joining two people together. It is the joining of two families, two tribes, and even two cultures in the case of an intercultural marriage. Hence, the need for individual investigation on family history and background by families involved respectively. This may not necessarily be as important in other traditions within same country.
It’s simply beautiful and exciting marrying from another clan/tribe/culture, it adds color to one’s wedding as a display of a blend between two different cultures are being put to play unlike a marriage within same tribe. Fifty percent of marriages in Nigeria are inter-tribal and the truth is, some of these marriages actually do not work out while others do. For Example a marriage between an Igbo girl (from south-East of Nigeria) and a Hausa man (from north-central of Nigeria), is totally going to need the following to pull through no matter how much civilization has come to stay.
Cultural Compromise:
Each tribe in Nigeria has its own wedding traditions. Some tribes dig up banana trees and replant them outside the church where the ceremony is taking place for good luck. Other tribes have both traditional and church wedding ceremonies respectively and yet, some other couples simply start living together and call themselves married which was mostly done in the past by the Yoruba’s.
In the Yoruba tradition, the bride’s family handles so much in the marriage ceremony and accept little from the groom in respect to brideprice cos it is believed their child isnt being sold out while to some other traditions within same country like the Igbos, it seems like a taboo. They would rather have the groom’s family take full responsibility for the wedding ceremony as they request for a large sum of money for brideprice as depending on how educated the child is. In this case, there will be need for both families to compromise by understanding and respecting each other’s beliefs to attain a common ground.
Display of culture as the groom postrates with friends before the bride's parents asking for their daughter's hand in marriage
Language :
Language is really important though some couple work around it by trying to learn a little. Support for the non-native language spouse will vary depending on how fluent they are in the new language. Sometimes they’ll never become fluent enough to get certain things done like important paperwork such as taxes, insurance, etc. (Of course, that can be hard for the native speaker!) Getting married to another tribe probably means you’ll have to take on those kinds of tasks. But it is very important that your spouse becomes fluent enough in the new language in order to always feel comfortable either at home, family gatherings or with friends.
Food:
In general, in any kind of family life, sharing a meal is an important bonding time. In my country where we have varieties of traditional meal, a couple in a cross cultural marriage needs to understand and respect individual’s love for a particular meal not necessarily eating it (though eating it would help both parties) but understanding the fact that these meals cannot be avoided especially for a typical traditional man. This just helps to strengthen the bond between two different people from two different backgrounds.
A successful intercultural marriage is beautiful, but not because of what it looks like from the outside. It’s because of how much work it took to overcome the obstacles to communicate and understand each other well as a couple because the experience of the marriage will probably be different for both parties considering difference in cultures/beliefs.
Happily ever after irrespective of the difference in cultural background
Despite the diversity in cultures and beliefs in my country, more inter-cultural rather than intra-cultural marriages have sprung up in recent times ignoring the past beliefs of our ancestors. This for me, shows that our people are more enlightened and are ready to embrace a change from ancient beliefs which I feel adds to the building of a united nation and so I say: “ There is beauty and unity in diversity ".
My pretty single signature pamphlet bind book exhibiting the beauty in diversity...
No comments:
Post a Comment