THE JUNCTION

I look at the sky and I admire the beautiful sunset on a summer afternoon in my country house. That view brought me memories of a long distant past. It is common sense saying that we can bury the past. Perhaps, it finds a way to escape and bring back memories.

Figure 1. Thinking about the past, and how it can bring back memories.

I believe there’s a path with two bifurcations in our lives, and you must choose only one way. I’d say that the path that I took turned me into who I am today.

Figure 2. The moment in our lives when we have to stop, and then choose what's going to be the best way to go. Even if we don't know which one is the best, we must pick only one way to go.

Being married with someone who doesn’t share the same dream as you is so hard. I’d consider myself as an ambition, and at the same time adventurous person who wanted to get more experience in her life. I had a good life with my husband, and I loved him so much. Unfortunately he didn’t share the same life expectation as me. Especially if we consider that I was 20 and he’s 36. Somehow, I felt like I was missing something in my life.

I always had the feeling of changing the world, to change the life perspective of the people in my country. Although I consider the richness of my country (natural resources, economy), I’d say that in the other hand is a country full of poverty, and social inequality. That’s why I went to the university to study geography. In my perception of life I could study hard and help disseminating some new ideas of changes our social life, and make it better for everyone. My husband didn’t ask me not to go there. But he told me that when I got to the university we were going to break up. I didn’t believe him, and I didn’t think about my marriage that time. The only thing I could think about was the new world, the new experience that I was going to try out.

I got to the university, and there I could experiment a new world. My university was a beautiful place. Place full of inhabitants, people with different ideas, and ideals. I made new friends, and I felt like, finally, I could share my feelings and expectations about life with others. Nevertheless, to live that life I had to pay a high price.

My husband was right about the fact that we were going to be apart from each other as soon as I got to the university. I think the main reason that led to ruin our marriage was the fact that our thought diverged. I didn’t want to be stuck in a marriage with a person that I couldn’t share my beliefs to build a better world. Though at the same time, I couldn’t let him go, because I loved him.

It was in that moment of our lives when we see ourselves in front of a junction. I had to leave him. I thought. But how, if he still being the man of my life? What a mix of feelings? Be or not to be? Go or stay? It was hard for me to take a decision. But I did. Not because I wanted to, but because it was my destiny.

One day I came back home earlier, and I couldn’t find my key. We used to live in the fourth floor of a little apartment in downtown. I rung the bell and nobody answered. I knew that he was at home, because his car was in the garage. So, I start calling his name out, and suddenly he appears in the balcony. His face was translucent, showing that he was in panic. I asked him to open the door for me, and he couldn’t answer me. He got downstairs, and he blocks my way. I couldn’t understand why he was doing that. So I start arguing, and press him. Please tell me what is happening, why such a weird behavior. Then he told me that he was weak, and he was sorry because our marriage wasn’t working out, and he found another person. I got a broken heart that day. I wouldn’t define the feelings that I was going through in that moment. The only I’d say is that day changed my life forever.

For months I blame myself for following my ideals and let my marriage go away. I remember that I wanted to be a good wife and have a good family with a husband, and kids, as an ordinary woman. But the fact is: I am not an ordinary woman.

In my second year at the university I applied to participating of an exchange program. It was an opportunity to become a trainee abroad. I chose going to the USA because I’d love learning English as a second language. I was so exciting with the possibility to live in another place. My mind was full of questions and concerns. Would it be possible? Will I be selected? I can’t speak English well; even so would I go anyway? One day I got the message that I was select to participate in the program and I supposed to go to Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Place up north of the USA. The problem was that I didn’t have enough money to go there, because after divorcing I didn’t have any more financial support. I became just a student without money.

I come from a very poor family. So I couldn’t count on them to help me financially. I didn’t know how I would get money to make my dream come true. So, I prayed to God. I begged him to show me the way, to help me finding the support that I’d need to go to USA. Days later my uncle came to my family’s house, and I told him about the difficulty in finding financial support for my travel. As a very good man, and a very good priest he gave me the money that I needed to go to the USA.

I was going to a lonely journey. But the only thing I’d care about, was the fact that I was going to a new world, a cross frontier between the life that I was leaving behind me and the new life that I supposed to live from that day on. I didn’t speak English well, but I had courage and determination to experiment this new adventurous that appeared in my life.

I got to the airport in a sunny morning of January. I was alone. I started thinking to myself: Am I doing the right thing to my life? Isn’t it better if I come back home and have a secure life? I don’t think so, was the answer. My spirit calls for new adventures, a new world, and a new life. My airplane was delayed, and when I arrived in São Paulo I had lost all my other connections. Instead of going to Cincinnati, I was supposed to go to Miami. When I got there I realized that I had lost my flight again and also my luggage. I didn’t have enough money in case of emergency situation, and that was starting to freak me out.

Figure 3. There are some moments in our lives when we feel that everything is going wrong for us, and it makes us feel down.

However I was lucky. I met a Brazilian woman who used to work at the company that I came with, and she told me about an American woman who could speak Portuguese, and consequently help me with my new connections. I spoke to that lady and she told me that I had to stay in the airport. I told her that I couldn’t because people are going to wait for me in Sioux Falls. She made some calls and spoke to the person who was responsible for me in the USA and told them about my new itinerary. She told me that I was a very brave girl, once I was in a different country all by myself, far away from home, and particularly, I wasn’t a fluent English speaker.

I was expecting someone from the program to wait for me, when I got in Sioux Falls, someone holding a piece of paper with my name. But I didn’t see anyone around. Everything was going so bad, but I remained steady. A security from the airport noticed that I was lost. Yes, I was. And he came to help me. The problem was that I couldn’t understand what he was speaking to me. I wanted to cry. I was in that new land that I wanted so badly do know, I was alone, I couldn’t speak the language, nobody was there waiting for me. So, what am I supposed to do?

Figure 4. What am I going to do now? I'm lost!

Suddenly I saw a familiar face. It was a girl from my university. She was participating in the same kind of program that I was going to. She told me that I was going to live in a trailer with other students, including her. The only thought came to my mind was I’ll live in a container. How can I live in a place like that? When I got there I realized that my imagination was so fertile. The place wasn’t even close to the place I created in my mind. I felt like I was at home. All the other students were friendly and easygoing.

My exchange was focused on the development of activities related to the Greenhouse area in the states of South Dakota and Minnesota during 18 months. I worked a lot but also got a lot of support from the people I was living and working with. Also, I had a chance to make good friends, from different countries, including mine, and explore new cultures. The development of the activities in the Greenhouse allowed me to learn about different plants species, such as those that need the sun or shade to grow, annual and perennial crops and all about how to work with them. During my time as a trainee in the U.S., I noted the significance of continuous search for improvement of learning. That is why I decided to apply for a master program in Soil and Plant Nutrition and the doctoral, later on.

After three weeks of my arrival, all the students decided to get together and make a party to celebrate a special occasion in my country: “the carnaval”. We bought costumes, we decorated our trailer. We had party all night long. That was the day when I meet my future husband. He worked in the same place, but he didn’t live close to us. I used to live in the country and him close to downtown. Of course, when I first met him I couldn’t even speak to him. I had to write to him to make me understood. It was funny.

Figure 5. The carnaval: an interesting typical party in Brazil.

I learned a lot with him, especially the language, once his was a native speaker. I can tell that we, also, had connection. We fell in love with each other at the first sight. He shared my thoughts, my expectations and I wanted to share my life with him. And we got married one year later. When I finished my exchange he went back with me to my country. Now it is him, who is experiencing a new world, a new culture, a new life.




Figure 6. When you find a person who shares thoughts, ideas, and ideals with you.





We bought a country house. And I applied all the knowledge that I acquired in the USA. Together we raise our family and also we helped other people. To some poor people, we gave them a piece of our land in order to let them plant and harvest their own food. We built an alternative community together where everyone was equal. I didn’t change the world. I couldn’t, even, change my country. But I’d say that I changed my local habitat. And I hope, one day, my ideas, and ideals of an equal world become true. A world without poverty. A world where everyone has the same life quality.

Figure 7. Building a new world through all my effort and hard work.

I didn’t change the world. I couldn’t, even, change my country. But I’d say that I changed my local habitat. And I hope, one day, my ideas, and ideals of an equal world become true. A world without poverty. A world where everyone has the same life quality.